I Cannot Sleep

I cannot sleep. My back hurts. My mind will not stop wandering from all that I need to do to get Paxton's room ready, to how frustrated I am that I cannot keep the house as clean as I would like without giving myself contractions, to what all I need to prepare for us to travel to San Diego, to I hope I still get to go to San Diego, to do I really have to have Maddox's birth certificate to show "proof of age" when we fly? Why do they need his "proof of age" He has his own ticket, he's NOT traveling alone, what difference would it make if he were 2, 3 or 4 years old. I just don't get it. If anything, wouldn't you want something to "prove" that he is MY kid, that I am not trying to travel with a child that was not mine.
I wonder if I will go full term with this little one...I feel like my body is having a hard time keeping up with the needs of this little one. Then I wonder if Dr. Burley will induce and everything go as smoothly as it did with Maddox. If induction is a possiblity how soon will she induce? I wonder what I would do if my water broke and I was out and about with Maddox (bet you he would try to find a towel and "clean it up") I worry how Maddox will transition from only child to Big Brother. He has been so clingy to me lately and only wants "Mommy do it". He gets fiesty at other people at times and only wants me to help him. I know it is a phase, but I don't know how to help him realize that other people can help him at times.
I wonder who Paxton will look like. The 3-D ultrasound pictures when compaired to Maddox's at the same gestational time look almost identical (it is so hard to really tell anything from those 3-D pictures because they are so freaky looking) but they have the same mouth, nose and chin. I wonder what his personality will be like....will he be a "thinker" like Maddox? Will he have a hard time sleeping or have a milk allergy? Will I be able to nurse this little one?
How long will it take for things to feel "normal" in our family after adding a new little one to the mix? What can I do to help Brad and Maddox feel loved and special during this transitional time?
I wonder how much longer I can keep all of this up. I am trying to have a postitive outlook and keep my spirits high, but I feel like junk most days. I am exhausted. I have contractions more frequently than I like to make others believe. I cramp a lot. My back and hips hurt worse than I have ever experienced and over all I just feel pretty lousy. I feel like I am letting Maddox down because I cannot pick him up and I run out of energy so quickly. I feel like I let Brad down because I cannot keep up with my daily chores and I am way more needy than usualy (and God knows, I am naturally pretty needy). I feel like I let myself down because I should be enjoying this glorious experience being pregnant and I am just to the point where I am so uncomfortable, tired, anxious and nervous....I feel like I let Paxton down because my body keeps trying to send itself into pre-term labor. Gosh, I just want to make everything perfect for those around me and I have to realize there is just so much I cannot control.
My boys know I love them more than anything and I am doing the best I can. They support me, love me and encourage me. I am very blessed!

Sorry this was so much rambling...no wonder I cannot sleep..my mind is full!