Wednesday, September 21, 2011

My heart is Heavy

It has been a tough morning here in the Kalivoda house. Sheesh Paxton is a mess these days and I am beginning to wear down. I have tried to be understanding of the simple fact that he probably is not feeling well; however, there is a fine line in sympathy and allowing our 17 month old to run the show. It just breaks my heart at how unhappy he is practically ALL day long. He wakes up in a grumpy mood and it goes down hill from there. I just do not know what to do any more. Here, as I type this, I have tears welling up in my eyes because my spirit is gradually breaking and I am just at a loss. I want answers for why his tummy hurts constantly. I want to know how I can ease him into various situations without him being so scared. I want to guide him properly into doing what we need him to do without whining or throwing a fit.  I need him to start talking more (although, his signing has picked up tremendously). 
From the second we found out we were pregnant with either of our boys we prayed that they would be "happy" and "healthy" and unfortunately it seems Paxton is neither of those at the moment (and has been this way for several months now). My spirit is down. My heart is heavy and I am longing for answers and guidance.
Sorry to simply ramble. I needed to get my thought/emotions out. 

1 comment:

Morgan said...

Definitly keeping little Paxton in my prayers. Being a mother can be the most wonderful but hardest experiance we will ever go through. Trust in the Lord always if you ever need anything to help out with watching the boys or need someone to talk to Im always around :)