This week has been exhausting. Paxton feels like poo. Paxton's poo still has blood in it. Paxton is excessively whiney. Paxton likes to hit. I miss Paxton's smile and his contagious laugh. I have lost my temper with Maddox more times than I like to admit. I am on edge, which makes all of my boys on edge. I feel as though any minute I am going to totally break down. I can't make Paxton feel any better. He throws fits ALL day long. Paxton has an appointment with a immunologist this next week to run more tests to see why his antibody levels are low and see if his immune system in functioning properly. They will also test to see if his body is leaking protein. He will have more blood drawn. We see his gastorinterologist the following week to discuss the blood tests that will be taken this next week. No one seems to know what is wrong with Paxton, my fear is that they will find something horribly wrong with him or they will find nothing at all and leave us clueless. I do not wish there to be any problems with Pax; however, this cannot be normal. They have to find us an answer. I am reaching my breaking point.
One of my very favorite songs by Tenth Avenue North says:
"But YOU say let it go. You say life is waiting for the one to lose control. You say you will be, everything I need. You said if I lose my life it's then I'll find my soul. You say let it go."
So, here I am, waving my white baby wipe. I surrender. Take control.